It's Really Nice To Know You Think We're All Outta Time

It’s only been about two weeks since we’ve spoken but words cannot describe how much I miss you. I don’t remember feeling this way about someone. It sounds so cliche, so overdone, so trashcan worthy but I have a really strange feeling it’s true. You have always been there, but I’ve never seen you, really. I don’t think you’ve seen me yet. Things would probably be a lot different if you wouldn’t see right through what is right in front of you. I’m right under your nose, waiting, and I don’t feel like waiting anymore. I feel so cliche right now and this is what it will always resort to when you feel this way, I guess.

When you actually feel something, you can never use unique words to describe it. It usually comes out similar to, “Our love is like a flower waiting to bloom, polinated by the pains of our past to become something that has learned how to be beautiful.” The thought of you with another girl gives me this strange achey feeling, almost like a broken movie playing behind my eyes yet again, a rerun of two years ago. Jealousy is not a beautiful thing, not if you’re the one who is jealous. It makes you choose hastily, lose items of value along the way, and most of the time you never get what you sought for in the first place. I can’t help but wonder, all those times I would sit in class saying, “Oh I talked to so and so yesterday and he’s so adorable…” were you the one who was jealous? Is this just payback for me trying to get to you?

I kind of get tired just sitting here, waiting for some phone call or text from you that’s going to change the course of my life forever. It’s the stimulus that makes me want to call you instead, but I’ve never been the kind of person to make the first move. I’m old fashioned, strictly believing in the boy’s duty to talk to the girl first, to make it happen. About a week ago, I was at my friend’s house and we had been watching He’s Just Not That Into You and all throughout the movie when it was just recreating my story, I had been thinking about you. They said that if guys want to be with a girl, they’ll make it happen. The woman had asked if there were exceptions and his simple answer was “You are not the exception, you are the rule” and that was it for me.

I want to be over this so badly. I don’t want to have to spend my whole summer waiting for your phone call or your MySpace message when I could be talking to other boys and getting on with my life. So far, you are the only thing holding me back, and the worst part is that you don’t know that. You are completely unaware of this whole situation that I’ve probably created on my own and spent nearly an hour writing about which is most likely nothing to you. Do boys get over girls this easily? So easily that, unlike the girl, when they meet three years later he doesn’t feel a single thing? I don’t want it to be that way.

I could spend this whole blog cursing you out over something you’ll never realize. I’m completely aware that the odds of you ever seeing this are slim to none. The odds of anything coming out of this are even worse. I could say, “You have two weeks to contact me, to make a move, to make me the exception to the rule.” But honestly, what good would that do?

You don’t have a time limit, but don’t keep me waiting forever.