I really, really, can't handle this. And I'm sorry that I've left you in a state of instability but I've reached the point that I can't sit here and let my own words ruin me. I'm sorry that I can't be here when you need me. But I've reached a place where words turn to dust and dust is as meaningless as this. I can spend my whole life contemplating the results if I do this or if I do that, but is it going to be worth anything? Is it going to help you become stronger? Or will I just let you down again?
I can't bear to sit here and let more people that I love down. That's what I'm doing to you, setting you up for disaster. It's not my job to destroy if what I seek is a life better than this. So sorry to disappoint, but I can't find a solution to what you need.
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