You know what? As much as I dislike about myself now, I would never, ever, EVER go back to the person I was over a year ago. I was going through old MySpace messages, reading surveys and other things I had done, and I can't believe that I've said so many stupid things.
Do I regret things? Of course I regret a lot of things. Should I? I don't know. But those things that I read...half of them I didn't know what I was talking about. I pretended like I knew the meanings of things that right now I can't even begin to comprehend. I don't know what was running through my mind at the time, but I don't ever want to go back and think those stupid things again.
I'm sorry for a lot of things. You'll just have to take my word for it.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
The last time I went to sleep
this early was the night of Warped Tour. And I actually went to sleep at around 10:30 after finishing uploading the pictures. I haven't felt this bad since a couple of years ago where I got introduced to Mr. Trashcan about 10 times per day for two weeks. Yeah, we got married. We had a very...close relationship.
Today was pretty awesome. I went to sleep at around 5am yesterday and woke up at 2pm today. My dog got really dirty and so I was lying in my bed for another half hour, listening to my mother scream at her. Then she got a bath and everything was all right. I took a shower, made some lunch (it was a very pathetic lunch of about 10 little cheese-stuffed tortellinis), got ready, made a huge mess in my bedroom in the process, and went to church. I found out that two kids that go to my school also go to that church, and I was extremely surprised about that. Anyways, it was great.
Dinner, not so great. I was literally dying at the table. I ate a third of my dish and said I was done. Now it's sitting in my refrigerator in the little Longhorn box. Hahaha. I'll eat it tomorrow probably.
So yeah, I'm off to bed. Thank goodness for showering before The Rush. Or I'd be like, "OH MY GEEZ DEATH AWAITS ME." Oh, and while I'm gone, you should check out the Dear Jack Foundation at www.dearjackfoundation.com. It's amazing. I read about it, and I love it.
Goodnight<3
Today was pretty awesome. I went to sleep at around 5am yesterday and woke up at 2pm today. My dog got really dirty and so I was lying in my bed for another half hour, listening to my mother scream at her. Then she got a bath and everything was all right. I took a shower, made some lunch (it was a very pathetic lunch of about 10 little cheese-stuffed tortellinis), got ready, made a huge mess in my bedroom in the process, and went to church. I found out that two kids that go to my school also go to that church, and I was extremely surprised about that. Anyways, it was great.
Dinner, not so great. I was literally dying at the table. I ate a third of my dish and said I was done. Now it's sitting in my refrigerator in the little Longhorn box. Hahaha. I'll eat it tomorrow probably.
So yeah, I'm off to bed. Thank goodness for showering before The Rush. Or I'd be like, "OH MY GEEZ DEATH AWAITS ME." Oh, and while I'm gone, you should check out the Dear Jack Foundation at www.dearjackfoundation.com. It's amazing. I read about it, and I love it.
Goodnight<3
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Space.
I don't ever really get the chance to blog. I've been so busy lately, studying for midterms, helping out my sick mother, having a nice social life, trying to find cute boys to follow, etc. It's all very stressful. Right now is really the only time I get to compose my thoughts and even now I need to be writing a paper on Medea for my English midterm. But I keep getting distracted from everything that I need to be doing. I feel that I've been so distant lately. Is that what I need? Do I need to set myself apart from the real world to take some time for myself and sort everything out?
I feel that this distance is causing a lot of distress between people I love. It doesn't allow them to realize what I want and what I need, so when I go for these things and leave them with questions, they become upset with me. But I can't help it when people don't want to listen to me. I mean, if you really cared, wouldn't you listen? Wouldn't you realize that this space is exactly what I need, even if just for a little while?
I don't want to find out. But I feel like it's right.
How can you listen to your gut when all it's making is sounds of sickness?
I feel that this distance is causing a lot of distress between people I love. It doesn't allow them to realize what I want and what I need, so when I go for these things and leave them with questions, they become upset with me. But I can't help it when people don't want to listen to me. I mean, if you really cared, wouldn't you listen? Wouldn't you realize that this space is exactly what I need, even if just for a little while?
I don't want to find out. But I feel like it's right.
How can you listen to your gut when all it's making is sounds of sickness?
Thursday, January 8, 2009
To Write Love On Her Arms
A little over a year ago, my friend posted a bulletin on MySpace. It was legnthy, but I decided to read it. The bulletin described an organization called To Write Love On Her Arms. At the time, I was like, "What is this?" but I kept reading.
The story of Renee came into play, and I was touched to know that there were people that cared. Most of my family has been diagnosed with depression. One night, I became extremely overwhelmed and had a partial meltdown, and that was when my mother confessed to me how worried she was that I was turning into what she used to be. She asked me if I had thoughts of committing suicide or self harm and I denied it. But I had all the same symptoms, and that worried her.
My friend attempted suicide last year. When I heard about it, I was naturally devastated, of course. It was the first experience I had ever had that included near death of someone close to me that was actually deliberate. I turned to the comfort of TWLOHA, knowing that there would always be someone there who would listen. They have been the stregnth of so many others to wake up and see that there's so much more to life than dying at the end.
Depression is a horrible thing. It hits home to so many people and affects everyone, no matter how indirectly. Without TWLOHA, I don't know how different the world could be, but I can infer that it would be terrible. We would lose our loved ones more often than not, and the only inspiration that we had would've been gone. But thanks to To Write Love On Her Arms, so many people finally see and understand. And I am forever grateful.
You've saved my life and the lives of many others.
The story of Renee came into play, and I was touched to know that there were people that cared. Most of my family has been diagnosed with depression. One night, I became extremely overwhelmed and had a partial meltdown, and that was when my mother confessed to me how worried she was that I was turning into what she used to be. She asked me if I had thoughts of committing suicide or self harm and I denied it. But I had all the same symptoms, and that worried her.
My friend attempted suicide last year. When I heard about it, I was naturally devastated, of course. It was the first experience I had ever had that included near death of someone close to me that was actually deliberate. I turned to the comfort of TWLOHA, knowing that there would always be someone there who would listen. They have been the stregnth of so many others to wake up and see that there's so much more to life than dying at the end.
Depression is a horrible thing. It hits home to so many people and affects everyone, no matter how indirectly. Without TWLOHA, I don't know how different the world could be, but I can infer that it would be terrible. We would lose our loved ones more often than not, and the only inspiration that we had would've been gone. But thanks to To Write Love On Her Arms, so many people finally see and understand. And I am forever grateful.
You've saved my life and the lives of many others.
New Personal Blog
Hey everyone, this is Anyssa, obviously.
Well, I'm not really new to the concept of blogging. I have another blog through here called A Dose Of Regret, which is where I post things that I have written. I love to write, and I always feel the need for opinions. Today I felt that I wanted to add onto it and make my own personal blog in which I can just say things. That's what Confessions of a Band Addict is for. I'll probably post daily, so check back!
-Anyssa<3
Well, I'm not really new to the concept of blogging. I have another blog through here called A Dose Of Regret, which is where I post things that I have written. I love to write, and I always feel the need for opinions. Today I felt that I wanted to add onto it and make my own personal blog in which I can just say things. That's what Confessions of a Band Addict is for. I'll probably post daily, so check back!
-Anyssa<3
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